FUNNY

• Sometimes, My Secretary Reminds Me Of My Wife.I Was Unbuttoning Her Shirt During Our Lunch Break When She Says, "Remember, You Have A Wife."
•  Every Mother Thinks That Their Child Is The Most Beautiful, But Only My Mum Is Right!
• I'm Jealous Of My Parents... I'll Never Have A Kid As Cool As Theirs! `
• Deleting Your Facebook Is The New Regaining Your Dignity.
• I Don't Understand How Super Mario Can Smash Blocks With His Head But Dies When He Touches A Turtle. Wtf
• Is Your Life Boring? Yes? Then Type 'I Love <Ur Bf/Gf Name>' And Send It To All Your Relatives! Your Life Won't Be Boring Anymore! :P
• Your Password Is Incorrect”; I Changed All My Password To ‘Incorrect’, So My Computer Just Tells Me When I Forget.....JK
• Win A BLACKBERRY, A CAR, Or A HOUSE In DUBAI...Use A Sharp Object To Scratch Here▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒​  Please Do This Now.
•  When Aryabhatta Was Checking My Answer Paper.......................................He Invented 'ZERO' ;-)
• Studying Is As Easy As Walking In A Park And That Park Is Like Jurassic Park!
• Great People Talk About Ideas. Average People Talk About Things. Small People Talk About Others. Legends Don't Talk, They Blog! ;) :P
• So How Many Of You Are Planning To Ditch Facebook For Google Plus :P
• A Woodcutter Was Passing By A Forest And Suddenly He Saw A Bunch Of Girls Following Him. The Axe Effect! ;)
• Employee To Manager : If You Don't Increase My Salary Then I'll Tell The Whole Office That You Have Increased My Salary! :P
• Definition Of A Human Being: A Creature That Cuts Trees,Makes Paper & Writes "Save Trees" On The Same Paper.
• 1 Month Before The Exam We Study From National Author's Book. 1 Day Before,Local Author Book. Exam Day,Do Hell With Others , I AM THE AUTHOR
• "No Comment" Is A Comment. Lols
• money & Women.They're Two Of The Strongest Things In The World.The Things U Do For A Woman U Wouldn't Do For Anything Else.Same With Money.
• I Wish My Parents Were Like Google. They Should Understand Me Even Before I Complete.
• Before You Criticize Someone,Walk A Mile In His Shoes.That Way,You're A Mile Away And You Have The Shoes.
• Exam Paper Is Like A Dick, When Its Hard, People Get Fucked.!
• My Girl And I Always Joke Around. She'll Ask "What Were You Doing?", Then We'll Both Laugh And Then I Go Make Sure I Cleared My Web History
• Dog: Why Do U Hide When Having Sex? Cat: Cause We Don't Want Humans To Copy Our Style, They've Already Copied Yours.
• Daughter: M In Love With Neighbor, So M Running Away With Him. Dad- Thank Dear, U Saved Money & Time Both. Dad M Reading Dis Letter Left By Mom
• Guy: Do U Lyk Me? Gal:No(Guy Got Sad) Gal: Y R U Sad? Guy: Coz U Dnt Lyk Me. Gal:U Nvr Askd If I Luv U. Guy:Aww!Do U Luv Me? Gal: LOL NO!!
• Dear Facebook, Don't Show That Much Attitude! You Can't Even Signup Without Me !!! ... Yours Sincerely, Msn, G Mail N Yahoo.. =D
• WTF Generation... Wikipedia Twitter Facebook
• The Only Difference Between Government And Thieves Is, One Of Them Does It Legally;)))
• INSULT & WIFE Are Somewhat Similar....They Always Look Good...IF IT IS NOT YOURS... :P
• 'I Have Read And Agree To Terms And Conditions' Should Be Called As "I Didn't Read But I Want To Access This Shit.
• I'm So Good At Sleeping, I Can Do It With My Eyes Closed.
• Being Told That Someone Doesn't Wanna Love U Coz Ur A Good Friend Is Like Being Told That U Didn't Get D Job Coz Ur Highly Qualified.
• Note To Self: Never Take A Pen To A Sword Fight Again. Its Most Definitely Not Mightier.
• A Baby Is Born In Africa, What Will Be The Color Of His Teeth? ....Babies Are Born Without TEETH. MORAL ~ Don't Think Like A Genius !!
• Knowledge Is Everywhere. You Just Need To Know How To Google It.
• I Like To Stand In Line At The ATM Machine. When People Put In Their PIN, I Scream "GOT IT!" And Run Away
• A Funny T Shirt Quote Written At Back Of A Bike Rider's Shirt:If U're Able To See This Sentence Plz Infrm Me Dat My Grlfrnd Hs Fallen Off!
• Children In The Dark Cause Accidents, Accidents In The Dark Cause Children
• Whn Some1 Touches U & U Don't Feel It,Its IGNORANCE. Whn Some1 Touches U & U Feels It,Its LOVE.Whn No1 Touches U & U Feel It, Its ALLERGY :)
• When I Was A Little Kid I Used To Say "A B C D E F G H I J K ELEMENO
• Silence Doesn't Always Mean YES. Sometimes, Silence Means LOADING.
• If A Girl Cries, There May Be Thousand Reasons. But If A Boy Cries, There Is Only One Reason: “GIRL”
• I'm Afraid Of 3 Things: Women, Snakes, And The Police. They All Have The Ability To Hurt Me And Make It Look Like It Was My Fault.
• The Best Prank Call Ever: "Hello KFC?" - " Yes, How Can I Help You Sir?" . . . . " I Want Mcdonald's Number!!!
• Having A Wife Is Part Of Living" But Maintaining A Girlfriend Along With Your Wife Is The "ART OF LIVING"
• Everyone Wears Left Shoe At The Last.. Don't Agree With It? ...- - - Proof: When We Wear 1 Shoe, The Other 1 Is Left..
• Dad : Son, What Do You Want For Your Birthday? Son : Not Much Dad, Just A Radio With A Sports Car Around It
• When Ever You Are Criticized,Don't Get Upset. Always Remember This.... No Stones Are Thrown On A Fruitless Tree.
• I'm Jealous Of My Parents, I'll Never Have A Kid As Cool As Theirs :)
• A Nice Line Written Below A Clock In A Examination Hall By A Professor.. ,,, 'Time Will Pass, But Will U ?'
• Some People Come Into Our Lives & Leave Footprint On Our Heart.Others Come Into Our Lives & Make Us Want To Leave Fingerprint On Their Face.
• Diff B/W Ignorance & Self Control. When U C D Mirror, U Don't Laugh That's
• IGNORANCE When I Look At U,I Also Dont Laugh That's SELF CONTROL.
• A BOY On DATE In BMW Car-I Hide Something From U. GF:What? "I'm Already Married & Hv A Child." GF: U Scared Me! I Thought The BMW Is Not Urs
• Q.What Did The Left Nut Say To The Right Nut? A. Don't Talk To The Guy In The Middle... He's A D*Ck!
• It's Better To Bunk A Class Than To Miss A Party With Frnds. Bcoz 2day When I Look Back. Marks Never Make Me Smile. But Memories Do
• When I Was Younger I Used To Take My Mum Or Dad's Phone To Play Snake ,, We All Did :P
• Make Your Girlfriend Happy By Telling Those 3 Words Every Women Loves To Hear " Here's My Wallet"
• Yesterday My Girlfriend Came At My Home. She Was Crying And Said To Me Please Consol Me So I Hit Playstation On Her Head.
• I'm Tired Of Chasing My Dreams, I'm Just Going To Ask Them Where Their Going And Meet Them There Later.
• A Lady Changed Her #FB Status To "I Got My Period".. 50 Guys Commented "Thank God" And 25 Liked Her Update
• Dad: Stop Watching PORN.. I Can Hear The Sound From Inside Room!! Son: No I'm Not, I'm Watching Sharapova Playing Tennis
• Mom: Son, Can You Please Clean The Fish I Bought From The Market? Son: WTF?! Mom: What Does WTF Mean? Son: Where’s The Fish?!
• A Girl Was Towelling Her Wet Pussy. She Enjoyed It & Started Rubbing It Vigoursly Until D Pussy Cried MEOW & Ran Away
• If The World Doesnt End On Dec 21st, 2012, Then There'll Be A Lots Of Babies Born On Sep 20th, 2013!
• If I Were To Make A Dictionary. CUTE=You - SWEET=You - BEAUTIFUL=You - SEXY=You - GORGEOUS=You - LIAR=Me!
• Teacher: Make A Sentence Using Neither-Nor. Boy: When Girls Wear Tight Fitting Dresses, Neither They Are Comfortable Nor We.
• Boys Say ''It's Great'', Boys Say ''It's Fine'', But Nine Months Later They Say ''It's Not Mine''!!.
• A COCKROACH Is Afraid Of RAT, RAT Of CAT, CAT Of DOG, DOG Of MAN, MAN Of GIRLFRIEND, & Again GIRLFRIEND Is Afraid Of COCKROACH.
• Husband, Throwing Knives On Wife's Photo & Missing The Target. Sudenly He Recvd A Call Frm His Wife: Hi, What R U Doing? He Repld "MISSIN U"
• My Mom Thinks "LOL" Means "Lots Of Love". She Texted Me, "Your Grandma Had Just Died. LOL"
• When A Girl Cancels A Date Its Because She Has To. When A Guy Cancels A Date Its Because He Has TWO!
• America Is A Country Where Half The Money Is Spent In Buying Food And The Other Half Is Spent To Loose Weight!
• Forget Your Ex. Because No One Wants To Read Yesterdays Newspaper Again.
• My Girlfriend And I Were Happy For EIGHTEEN Years. Then We Met.
• I Told My Wife That, "I Need More Space." So She Locked Me Outside
• Why Is That When There Are Two Girls In A Profile Pic The Hot One Is Always Someone Else?
• I Recently Applied For Work At A Mirror Shop. I Hope I Get It. I Can Really See Myself Working There.
• Wife Pulls Her Husband,Who’s Fully Drunk, To Bed & Tries Removing His Shirt & Husband Replies- LADY, LEAVE ME ALONE, I AM Married
• Amy Winehouse, Kurt Cobain, Jimmi Hendrix, Ian Curtis, Jim Morrison, All Died At 27. Justin Bieber Turns 27 In 2021. Just Be Patient.
• Breaking News: Idea To Launch 3G Condoms To Control Population Growth
• When I Fight For Love People Call It Rape...
• Roses Are Red. Violets Are Blue. Faces Like Yours Belong In The Zoo. Don’t Be Mad, I’ll Be There Too. Not In The Cage But Laughing At You
• Best Example Of Business Faliure-----------A Pregnent Prostitute..
• Girls Are Always Misunderstood By Boys....Because Of Their Makeup :D
• Thepenisinmymouth .. . . .. . . . . . . . . Did You Read The Pen Is In My Mouth? Lol Dirty Mind!
• The Best Way To End A Status Conversation On Facebook Is To Like Their Last Comment.
• Can You Please Tell Your Boobs To Stop Looking At My Eyes :D
• Want Your Most Favorite Song To Be Your Least Favorite Song, Then Make It Your Alarm Tone
• Only LOVE Can Remove- Misunderstanding Worries ... Doubts Fear Tears & CLOTHES :P :P
• Life Without U Is Impossible. U R In My Breath And Blood. I Can`T Spend A Sec Without You. If U Left Me, I`Ll Die.I Love You Dear, Oxygen.
• Advice To All Girls -- Don't Apply Too Much Make-Up On Your Face....You Don't Know Where Boys Look First..!!! :P
• Boy's FB Status: 'Online During Class' Comment From His Teacher: 'Turn To Page 75' ;)
• Mixed Emotion: When Your Enemy Falls From The 7th Floor On Your Brand New Ferrari And You Don't Know Whether To Laugh Or Cry! :P
• A Stage That Surely Comes In Everybody's Life - Where Should I Go? To The Right Where Nothing Is Left Or To The Left Where Nothing Is Right?
• When You Wait For Your Food In The Restaurant Aren't You The 'Waiter'? :P
• Signboard On Highway : Mr. Late Is Better Than Late Mr.
• Mom Says "Alcohol Is Your Enemy"... Jesus Says "Love Your Enemy" :D
• Sentence Written On The T-SHIRT Of A Beautiful Girl Walking On Side Of The Road "U R Not Looking At The Road Right Now.. Be Careful"
• SIT & STUDY..The Above Stunts R Performed By Trained Professionals Under Controlled Environments. DON'T TRY THIS A HOME. BE SAFE.
• Don't Trust Money, It Gives Bed But Not Sleep.It Gives Books But Not Mind, It Gives Luxuries But Not Happiness. So Transfer It To My Account
• Friends Are Like B**BS. Some Are Big, Some Are Small, Some Are REAL, & Some Are Fake.
• You Can Never Say Exactly WHAT IS ON YOUR MIND If Your Family Members Are On Your Friend-List.
• My Plan Is Forgive And Forget, Forgive Myself For Being Stupid And Forget You Ever Existed
• Open Books, Not Legs. Blow Minds, Not Guys.
• I Keep Seeing All These Summer Bucket Lists With All This Exciting Stuff. Meanwhile, Mine Is Just Like, Find A Shortcut To The Fridge.
• If My Mom Can't Find It, Nobody Can Find It.
• Best Gamer Pick Up Line: "You Turn My Software Into Hardware."
• Friends are like boobs, some are big, some are small, some are real and some are fake.
• I Saw A Sign That Almost Made Me Piss Myself. It Said, "Bathrooms Closed!"
• I Have Good News And Bad News To Tell You. The Bad News? I Have No Good News. And The Good News? I Have No Bad News.
• Do You Want To Go Out With Me? (A) Yes (B) A (C) B.
• Once Upon A Time I Smashed My Face Into My Keyboard And Accidentally Wrote The 5th Twilight Book.
• Imagine Having A Teacher Named Alejandro, And Whenever He Calls On You, Just Be Like, "Don't Call My Name, Don't Call My Name, Alejandro."
• F.E.A.R = Face Everything And Recover Or Forget Everything And Run!
• I'm A Type Of Person Who Laughs At A Joke 3 Times. 1st When It's Told, 2nd When It's Explained To Me, And 3rd When I Finally Get It!
• You Don't Know Something? Google It. You Don't Know Someone? Facebook It. You Can't Find Something? Mom!
• I Hate It When I Have So Many Tabs Open, And One Of Them Starts Playing A Talking Ad That I Can't Find It.
• I Like Your Makeup. Just Kidding. It Looks Like You Got Gangbanged By Crayola.
• THE BIGGEST LIE EVER TOLD; Was When The Doctor Walked In To Mrs. Bieber's Hospital Room And Said, "Congratulations, It's A Boy"
• Dear Optimist, Pessimist, And Realist. While You Guys Were Arguing About The Cup Of Water. I Drank It. - The Opportunist
• 3 Things That Should Never Be Broken; (1) A Heart (2) A Promise And (3) A Condom :D :D
• There Is Only 1 Perfect Wife In The World. .Every Husband Thinks The Neighbour Has Her!!
• If You Agree With A Woman When She's Wrong, Congratulations On Being Right And Wrong At The Same Time
• My Girlfriend Asked Me For Another Word For Incorrect. Of Course, My Answer Was Wrong :P
• I Think That Every Horoscope Should Read Like This: "Your Day Is Already A Failure...You Rely On Horoscopes
• So We Can Send Men To The Moon, But We Can't Get A Button That Let's Us Edit A Typo On A Post After Its Been Sent O.O
• Why Do Women Close Their Eyes During Sex? They Can't Stand Seeing A Man Have A Good Time!
• Why Must The Phrase, "It Is None Of My Business" Always Be Followed By, "But"?
• Pretending To Think Hard... When Your Teacher Is Looking At You.
• Sex Without Protection Is Magic. Why? Because The Baby Appears, And The Father Disappears.
• They Say When U Marry Someone, You Are Also Marrying Their Family. That's What I Told My Wife When She Caught Me In Bed With Her Sister :P
• If You Can't Change "A" Girl, Don't Worry Just Change "THE" Girl. :P
• I Am Not SINGLE, I Am ROMANTICALLY CHALLENGED :D
• The Secrets Of Happy Marriage: Tools,Internet Options,Clear History,Delete Files.
• What Is The Similarity Between Wifi & Wife ? Neighbors Have An Eye On Both Of Them!!
• Do I Look Like A CALENDAR?........ Coz Everyone Ask Me For A DATE!